"No other music makes me feel the way that Nine Inch Nails does and this concert was fucking excellent. Ruiner was my favorite song at the time, and I cried singing along as Trent opened the show. At moments, the crowd felt like once pulsing organism with a million limbs, and at others, it felt like a conversation: like I was floating around the arena to the music created just for me. I love Nine Inch Nails. It was one of the greatest days of my entire life."

"My first show was in 1995 with David Bowie. Ive seen Nine Inch Nails 27 times. I took my son to see the Denver show on this tour and last night I took my wife, daughter, and son to the St. Louis show. My favorite song on this was Find My Way."

"I had been in a state of pure haze and confusion for numerous months and just kept telling myself to hold on until I got to see Nine Inch Nails. That little thought kept me afloat for months until I finally got to go. My dad bought tickets and let me bring a friend along. I think that was the night that I decided to stay. I got to scream my heart out at songs I had such visceral bonds with, songs that felt so brutally honest and unforgiving. I couldn’t sleep that night. I kept thinking about how intimate the show was with thousands of people letting their emotions echo. Trent Reznor really knows how to make you feel everything all at once."

"This is extremely long, but I really do have a lot to say.

I was raised mormon with a lot of restrictions on what was okay for me to listen to. My mom raised me on new wave, but only the clean songs, and lots of indie pop. My dad raised me on metal, but again, only the clean songs. When I got into my own music, I leaned heavily on the pop/folk/indie/rock genres that were 'church appropriate', along with whatever electronic music was popular at the time. Lots of Imagine Dragons, Coldplay, Of Monsters and Men, Avicii, twenty øne piløts, Owl City, and others in that vein. Tame stuff, things I wouldn’t get in trouble for listening to. As I moved into my adulthood, I started expanding my music a little more and distancing myself from the confines of the rules of the church, which I was actively pulling away from at the time, but it was still baby steps. I first heard Nine Inch Nails, it was through my best friend at the time who was raised in a goth family on much heavier and explicit music. This was around 2023 ish. I was weary of NIИ at first, as it was a big step from what I was listening to at the time. NIИ was his absolute favorite music artist of all time, and it constantly played in his car when we would drive places. The more I listened to it, the more I started to recognize the feeling behind it. I went from thinking NIИ was just an aggressive provocative band that only sings about sex and rage on a superficial level, to understanding that there was a deeper emotion at play. The more I analyzed the lyrics and the more I was exposed to the deeper songs, the more I realized that this music came from a soul that hurt like mine. I remember the first time I heard Zero Sum. That was the song that made me immediately go listen to the entirety of Year Zero on my own. Being religiously traumatized and learning more about how that affected me, this album really hit deep. Then I listened to With Teeth. Then I listened to The Fragile. and so on and so forth. Zero Sum is still my favorite song to this day.

I am extremely neurodivergent, and suffer with plenty of symptoms from the disorders I am diagnosed with. Most notably, Autism and BPD. I have had self worth issues my entire life due to my difference from most crowds and hard time understanding people who are not autistic. My BPD causes me to feel my emotions in extremes, feeling them very painfully and very sensitively. I have had self worth issues for a very long time, and have a habit of constantly feeling like I am a monster and unworthy of having a place or feeling lovable. The topics that NIИ focuses on, and especially Trent’s story, really resonate with me as someone who experiences those intense, oscillating feelings, emotions of loneliness, depletion of self worth, hopelessness, and dwelling on the inability to change the past.

At the end of 2024, I had an extreme falling out with my best friend. I went about communicating a problem I had in a way that was interpreted as harsher than I meant it to be, and before I could apologize and try to fix my mistake I was cut off. I had extreme lies spread about me that were really scary accusations about things I never did, all to keep me from being able to be taken seriously about my truth. I was harassed, cyberstalked, and even sent death threats. I tried to fight these baseless accusations with hard proof of my side, but the ostracism never stopped. I was harassed so much that I delved into psychosis, believing that people were going to come after me in person and harass me, and that people were wanting me dead. I was completely unable to trust anyone, unable to make friends outside of my roommates. I suffered panic attacks multiple times every day to the point of being unable to work at my job for the majority of my shifts. To this day still have severe self worth issues from this situation and mull over what happened to the point of having to be constantly assured by everyone around me that with all of my evidence, I was the victim and not the monster in this situation.

from December 31st, 2024 to April 11th, 2025, I attempted suicide seven times as a result of my trauma.

Throughout this experience, I had Nine Inch Nails on a constant shuffle. It reminded me of the person I used to know, before they showed their cruel and unforgiving nature. More and more I started to see in Nine Inch Nails the feelings that were at an all time high at that time, such as my deep pain, self destruction, and thoughts of not wanting to be here. Reptile, A Warm Place, Terrible Lie, And All That Could Have Been, and The Great Below were my supports through this. I would keep myself busy by driving and listening to NIИ to avoid the suicidal thoughts. When I began my outpatient program to help me recover from the intense trauma and suicidal tendencies I was experiencing, I began to relate to Trent Reznor’s story of hitting rock bottom and getting the necessary help. The only thing I was missing was coming out the other end of the tunnel.

When August rolled along, it was time for me to see Nine Inch Nails. I got my tickets the day they went on sale. It was my first NIИ show, and my first pit I’ve ever done. I was extremely nervous and didn’t know what to expect. I was young, new, and understood that most of the fans were much much much older than I am, and have probably done pit plenty of times before. Here I was, a little greenie, in my handmade NIИ shirt, walking into a community I barely knew in person. I got there around 8 AM, and was the fifth person in line. Next to me were four people that had been to more NIИ shows than I ever thought people could go to. I was extremely nervous to interact, and didn’t know if this was a crowd that liked to be left alone or not. I was pleasantly surprised to find out as the day moved forward that this was a group of people that treated each other like family. When I shared how young I was and how new I am to NIИ and their shows, pretty much everyone was ecstatic. They were telling me I was in for a show that would change my life, and that it would be even better than I could expect it to be. I listened to them talk about their experiences with NIИ, heard their stories of past shows, and listened to advice they gave me about this show. They even complimented my shirt that I literally just made overnight and said it even looked like official merch. We spent all day supporting each other, laughing, and talking about everything under the sun. We would hold each other’s place in line, welcome in anyone who joined the line, and keep each other safe. When it was time to go in, I had decided on B stage rail from what others told me the show would be like. I had made friends with the person next to me in line, Alex, who was also aiming for B rail. (go support his music btw, hes a twin cities based musician that makes really amazing and creative semi-ambient electronic music.) He told me to stick with him and he would make sure I get the best view. He did exactly that. I felt really safe next to someone who was dedicated to making sure my first NIИ experience was the best it could be. When the curtain fell, Trent was right there. I was starstruck. You could see every emotion on his face, even the beads of sweat on his forehead. I was already having the time of my life in the first two sets, singing along as much as I could, jumping around, headbanging, and experiencing levels of euphoria I wasn’t even prepared for. Then, the Boys Noize collab set came. I wish I could relive that feeling when I first heard that set. I’ve never danced harder.

After that show, I realized that was the first day I had felt genuinely happy in nine months, and that it was the first time I had been able to make friends and belong somewhere outside of those I shared a living space with since December. I felt like I was home. I became so attached to NIИ and the community that I immediately bought pit tix for LA to experience not only the music once more but to experience that family again. I made even more friends at LA, and even got to trade bracelets and stickers with everyone. I cried when I got home that night, because I didn’t know what I was going to do without this community for the hiatus between tours if he was even gonna tour again (i am so sure that man would only officially say goodbye to performing if he was six feet under).

Much to my great surprise, we got a second leg of the tour. Anaheim was even closer to me than LA. I basically counted the days to when I would see NIИ again. When I got in line, I was yet again met with warm welcome open arms, and treated like family. This was one of the shows where the influencer plant fiasco was happening, and it was refreshing for all of us to be there with each other, knowing we are the true fans. All day we were telling our life stories and bonding over everything. We kept each other hydrated, shaded, fed, and made sure we could get home safely. I had missed this so much. The show itself was better than ever, especially since I got to hear some songs that weren’t on the first leg (yay the frail!!!!!!), but the community I experienced in the line was a good 50% of why NIИ shows mean so much to me. I look around at all the faces in the crowd and feel an inherent connection to everyone. We are all here for the same reason— Nine Inch Nails speaks to us, our suffering, our demons, our trauma, our worst mistakes, and the great act of staying alive through it all. Both Trent’s story and all of our stories give me hope, and honestly a reason to live. Before August, I used to joke with the few people I had around me that I can’t kill myself yet because I haven’t seen Nine Inch Nails. There was genuine truth behind that. After August, that was my biggest life support. I can’t kill myself yet, I have to see Nine Inch Nails again. I have to see the people that gave me hope again. I was able to hold onto that for long enough to get myself through treatment to the point where my medication and therapy were working to keep me going. I don’t know if I would have made it that long if I didn’t find that community.

I wish I could personally thank Trent for personally narrating the music that has given me an identity and community again, and has saved my life. His story specifically is so inspiring to me— he went through hell, spiraling himself into self deprecation and losing himself over and over again. Then, he got better. He has a family now, he’s happy, comfortable, making music, and has been surviving and thriving post treatment for two decades now. His songs not only make me feel seen, they make me feel like I can make it. As someone who has suffered with Autism, ADHD, OCD, BPD, and PTSD my whole life, I have seen the darkest of the dark, and knowing he was that low at rock bottom and still kickin it decades later, I can keep going too. NIИ has inspired me to want to make music, to want to embrace my identity and autonomy, and to push myself to achieve a greater future. I wouldn’t have known all of that had I not found my community at Peel It Back.

Thank you NIИ. Thank you Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, and Alex Ridha. Thank you PIB pit family. I’m still here because of you."